i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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