While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize