were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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