I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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