I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
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Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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