im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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