I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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