Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I think your dad took our porno
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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