this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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