About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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