Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
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he has the hands of the vagina gods.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
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You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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