yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
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the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
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It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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