I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
false alarm. still invincible.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
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