Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
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swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
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I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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