I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
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