you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
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God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
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I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
we're so committed to being not committed
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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