your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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