I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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