i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
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