2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize