Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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