one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
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I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
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Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
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