why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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