Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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