OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
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I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
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Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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