I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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