i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
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John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
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all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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