THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize