I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
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so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
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Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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