don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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