Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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