I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
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