I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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