girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
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After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
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He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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