would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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