I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
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Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
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Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
They have beer where we have blood.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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