Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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