so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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