I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Randomize