I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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