So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
me + whiskey = a bad person
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
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