If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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