You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize