shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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