WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize