I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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