Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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