I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
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