whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize