Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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